, originally uploaded by brainheartlunggut.
...what can i say!? she's prettier and does more for me and all around is just.... easier. ;)
i've met a boy.
and oh lord, i hate hate hate talking about it because then it jinx's it.
but he's different.
and he remember's anniversaries.
and he doesn't mind waiting.
and he puts up with my craziness.
and he brings me flowers at work.
and he drives all the way to oshawa from whitby, albeit complaining the whole way, to see me or pick me up.
he drunk texts me adorable things.
and he changes his life plans simply because he now has something to stick around for.
his smile makes me weak.
his hand on the small of my back gives me goosebumps.
his embarrassed glance attacks my heart,
and his hand in mine gives me more hope then i've ever felt before.
it's been a month.
and because he doesn't read this... i can say it.
i'm falling for you.
i'd go anywhere for you.
and i dont know what i've done to deserve you, but this time... it just feels right.
this is a ballad of the newly reformed cynical lover.
who now believes in those butterflies and those skips in heartbeats.
also: RIP John Hughes. epic sadface.
classic 80's hilary. sleep was a priority from the start., originally uploaded by twistedelements.
so apparently i can't post straight from flickr to tumblr.
epic fail of mass proportions.
so the blogger blog stays open, and hopefully i can figure this out. because wtf.
we're moving. please follow us.
i'm a horrible, horrible person. and a traitor. but.
i may keep this going, considering i just realized i have 12 followers. WHO ARE YOU ALL?!?!? FOLLOW ME TO MY TUMBLR!
and if you're too lazy... well, i'll miss you. and your lack of comments on my posts. you silent heroes, you will be missed.
CLICK HERE PLZKTHNX
his and her closets
who i thought counted, and has either a) let me down, or b) i've let down,
who is floundering and at risk of disappearing if i don't hold on tight,
who i miss. incredibly.
who no longer counts.
i'm starting to run into strong forces breaking my faith in people.
i put far too much faith in people to begin with.
and it's all unraveling.
the result: ultimate disappointment.
but seriously folks. two days off from jack's should do me some good, and return to my normal non-food related scent.
these lonely days
Work work work work. Work, work work. Work work work, work work, work! Work... work. Work work. WORK. Work.
Seriously? Jack Astor's is seeping into my pores.
chocolate dots and stripes
These puppies made my day.
"480 decorated stickies in assorted sizes, post messages and reminders in style"
its the little things.
it's not much in comparison to the big guns on flickr, but hey. it's something. and i'm mildly proud. SO THERE. :)
in other news, i have one exam standing in the way of being finished my first year of university.
WHAT THE-- WHERE THE HELL DID THAT YEAR GO?!
well alright. i'm ready for summer anyways. you can end. i'll allow it this time.
the easter candy has seeped into my brain.
you're on your own.
Hilary Spencer Creative Photography now has pricing. HURRAH! it only took forever and a day, no biggie.
check out the flickr, the facebook, or the website for the goods. :)
feel free to email me for more info ---> hilaryjspencer[at]gmail.com
We shot 4x5's in this morning's photography lab, and I believe mine turned out ok.... we'll see! It's exciting to anticipate the results but mildly life-threatening considering we have one shot at getting an ok image. Fingers are perpetually crossed.
The Completed Works (in no particular order)
- Visual Journals from hell (actually an interesting assignment, but handwriting them out gave me a greater appreciation of the wonderful invention that is my macbook keyboard.
- Ethics essay (an analysis of an advertisment. don't do drugs, kids. and if you do, make sure you look hot while doing so.)
- Kensington layout (a marketplace assignment for photog)
- Architecture assignment (see photo. yay for my latest obsession with black and whites.)
- Film essay (10 pages of Blade Runner goodness that hopefully has broken my ties with that movie for good)
- CTC essay on Time and Culture (whattabitch.)
- Visual Comm exam (take home)
- Ethics exam (take home)
- Film exam
- Photography exam (date unknown. horray, geronimo - you done good. not.)
- CTC exam (in the middle of buttfuck nowhere on my calender, a week after i've moved out, at 7pm off campus. this is oodles of unceccesary.)
- MOVING OUT (In a week and half. how I fit my life into my 10x10 box is beyond me, but I now have to try to get it all back to Oshawa in one piece. FML.)
- Back to Jack's (hostessing my way to the top for yet another summer.)
I suddenly have the urge to jump up and begin screaming, running around like wacko jacko in an attempts to achieve some productivity in this waste of a class. why I bother to come is beyond me.
William's fake horrible iced caps FTW!
and the world spins madly on
and of course, i'm doing homework.
because i procrastinate.
and blade runner is a bitch.
but i took a study break, and checked el facebook. random notifications, oh! an invitation to a bbq this summer. holy cow planning ahead, but whatever.
essentially, this invitation from an old friend brought to my attention a bowl-full of friends, new, old and older, whom i've (not on purpose) left behind.
it made me think of Big Fish.
when i'm reliving my life, in the last moments that my heart's thudding away, who would i want to see before i flip off into the river ewan mcgreggor-style?
i'm amazed at how many people have carved a little spot into my barely-established life. people who know, and don't know, that they've made waves, made a difference some way or another. it's strange to think about all the people that mean something to you, even if its an unhappy thought attached to their name; regardless, they have their place and cannot be burned out of the tapestry.
holy cheesefest. but.
to look at a lifetime of acquaintences, friendships, relationships... family, and those who have truly dug their little hole just that much deeper into your heart.... all the people who you hold, if not close to your heart, simply for something substantial, something worthy of your remembrance.... could you sort them all out? write down names? imagine them applauding, eager faces and hands colliding all for your benefit, for your recognition, for your farewell?
i guess it's a little morbid.
but i'd like to think i'd have a solid group.
and i'd like to think i'd be part of a few different groups, in turn.
it is for this reason i cannot cut people out of my life.
as much as i may gripe, as much as i may bitch about how they've hurt or harmed me, and how i will never EVER speak to them again, or associate with them.... they're still there. they're on the list. and they have their spot.
life's too short.
...and finish your goddamn essay.
Tidbits from the Distillery
Just a few of the shots I was happy with.
Slash I'm not done editing.
So we'll see.
Discovered the store that I will definitely be buying things from when I am rich and can afford to drop $1000 on a jacket.
Ain't no thang.
Add any further analysis, speculation, and conclusions that you think adds deeper philosophic insight
Today in Basic Studio Techniques, we learned how to scan an image onto your computer.
i feel like i'm essentially being held back from what i want to do.
i'm not learning things. yes, some people clearly need to learn these simple practices. but jesus. it's a bit much, i'm paying to learn "Basic Studio Techniques" not how to plug an epson scanner into my laptop.
Is it too much to ask that i get something out of my classes? I'm paying mucho moneys for them. i've bought the equipment (which i'm realizing now, wasn't even necessary at this point. i could've gotten by with my rebel. it wouldn't have been fun, and i'm obviously in love with my d300, but i could've waited until it was easier to afford, seeing as my family is now epically broke with all the random spending they've helped with). i've turned down other programs for this one. this was supposed to be it: the perfect fit, essentially the best choice out there for me. and now i'm realizing... maybe it's not.
i get by with the shoots that i do on my own. a friend recently told me i'm learning more doing my own stuff than i'm learning in class. this is epically true, and it's sad that i'm paying so much money to go out on my own and teach myself. i'm paying for the paper, at the end of the day, and it seems so far away at this point that i'm not sure it's worth it anymore.
i know it is.
at this point, i'm getting antsy.
i'm sick of being told to wait till second year, that it'll pick up.
i dont want to place bets on that.
because who knows.
oh, and on a minor note, if someone could tell my ammune system to suck it up and kick back in, that'd be great. thnx.
It's a cautionary tale.
Your mother always told you, "don't steal".
Apparently that goes for more than just candy.
By now you've heard about it.
Teen flickrite and photography princess Rosie Hardy has screwed herself over, and has retreated from the limelight, fighting off accusations of blatant plagiarism.
And honestly... I'm disappointed, not so much with Rosie herself, but with a society that is so drama-hungry and bored with their own lives that they feel it necessary to bring down one of the most creatively brilliant artists I've seen in a long time.
Don't get me wrong - I've seen all the "proof". I've seen the side-by-side photos, and it's incredibly hard to ignore the fact that several of Rosie's "inspirations" appear in her DeviantArt favourite lists. That is in-your-face, to the T evidence that can't be ignored. But to go to such an extent to bring down someone who has rightfully and upfrontly apologized to millions and millions of viewers, who very well could have simply ignored and denied all accusations, is just cruel. The act of plagiarism is a very serious topic, this I am not denying either; but in Rosie's case, where can you draw the line between inspiration, and stealing?
I'd like to think that I am not a naive person. And while it has been said before that I have "too much faith in people", believing most are good hearted and kind, I still am not blind when it comes to judging character, and accepting those without intelligent thought as to who they really are. I have been following Rosie Hardy for years, literally. I came across her photos before she had met Aaron, before the flickr fame, before she was much more than an amateur photographer posting photos of script etched into piano wood. She was very much like myself: a beginner, with little more than self-taught experience, but willing to learn and be inspired by the shiny new world of Flickr. I've had messaged conversations back and forth with Rosie, and I feel confident in believing I was conversing with a human being, versus a LonelyGirl15 scenario. (Google it if you're not familiar with the former Youtube phenom.) I continued to watch Rosie grow as a photographer, and followed her budding romance with Aaron Nace, a fellow Flickrite. Again, while many turned their heads at the idea of the romance, thinking it was fake or creepy or simply a hoax, I continued to follow the story and Rosie's photostream, thinking all the while that maybe this was simply a glimmer of hope for the romantics out there. I myself would not necessarily follow that route to find romance, but who's to say that it's not the same as meeting someone on the street? Aside from the "you could be a 40 year old woman living with cats" thought, you are still unaware of who this person is, as a person. Who's to say that with the invention of the internet, relationships formed through this venue are false?
Essentially, I feel as though Rosie has simply made a mistake, and like anyone in the spotlight, is feeling the backlash. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read some of the cruel, forceful comments following Rosie's most recent Flickr post - do people really not have enough drama in their own lives that they feel it necessary to bring down a teenaged girl, simply trying to follow her passion? She's apologized. She's removed most, if not all of the photographs in question. The fact that she has made money off these photos doesn't sit well with me either, but this isn't a situation where she was maniacally sitting at a computer screen, hands formed into a peak similar to Mr. Burns, watching the Flickr community fall at her feet. She was simply creating works of art she thought to be worthy of public view, and while she definitely should have credited those who deserved such, at least she has realized the error in her ways, and has rectified such. The cruelty of humans has astounded and disappointed me to the point where my judgement of faith and goodness has wavered, and I can never look at Flickr the same way again. Those who have personally attacked Rosie have disappointed and disgust me. I believe it's necessary to inform those who are doing wrong, but to bring someone down so cruelly is completely unnecessary.
I'm basically shocked. Partly on the accusations themselves, and partly on the fact that they are legitimate. The most disappointing part of the entire ordeal is that Rosie Hardy, guilty or innocent, was and is my personal inspiration. To see someone's character be so destroyed over a simple mistake immediately brings sympathy to mind, but then to realize such accusations are based on truth and fact, hits the story home. What does it say for my photos, when my inspiration is no longer original?
I'll probably rant more later.
This is very disjointed.
And really quickly written up in class, between assignments.
Who are we, when it becomes necessary to bring down someone else for self-satisfaction?
Sucks to your ass-mar, I'll think twice before posting anything on Flickr again.
i've never understood that analogy. i mean, i understand it. obviously. but taking it at face value: it makes zero sense. if you have cake in front of you, what else are you going to do with it? you're going to eat it. unless there's a reason that you shouldn't. there's something that's making you hesitant, something that's preventing you from just devouring the damn thing like you want to so badly. there's something in the way.
..wish i knew what that was.
i've turned nocturnal this week.
haven't been awake before 11am.
haven't gone to bed before 4am.
getting sick again.
and while i know i shouldn't, i can't help but stay up.
it comes down to what i want, and what i need. i dont need to be staying up so late, being so frivolous when it comes to my health. this may seem a little overdramatic or unnecessary, but for those who know my health, i really can't afford to be frivolous. i've been sick since christmas. perpetually stuck in this loop of always being just out of healthy reach. i'm pretty sure a certain someone has a voodoo Hilary that he just pokes and jabs and then sticks in the freezer so she can never be warm, never be happy, never be healthy. i swear.
i want to know answers.
i want to know if it could be worth it.
i want to know if i should just leave it be, be happy with what i have, not making unecessary waves.
but who wants to surf when there aren't any waves? really.
just looking for a sign.
Time's just gonna hit on you
Check it out.
Turning out to be a relatively good week.
Analyzing Bladerunner could be the death of me, not to mention the gazillions of things that are due the week before reading week... Basically getting raped by assignments and tests. Can't wait.
Oh. and check me out on facebook.
Just search for Hilary Spencer Creative Photography.
Gimee some love, considering i only have like 10 fans. baha.
Getting the gameplan together, planning my business.
Hopefully i can start making something of myself.
...and getting paid for it.
What to focus on
I can't remember where/how I found him, but marc johns is genius. Just throwing that out there.
That, and Williams Coffee is officially on my burn list.
Warm milk does not qualify as coffee.
I'm rediscovering Elliott Smith. Good Will Hunting was completely saturated with the soft singer's tracks, sounding vaguely like an older Simon and Garfunkel catering to the more indie youth of the 90's. Oh 90's music. But this shit is good. I want more.
I've also realized that my family's dynamic is completely foreign to the family systems set up in today's society. A family of 6, father working steadily, mother a stay-at-home mom, all kids happily enjoying their lives and having a great relationship with each other. To an extent. We're the fucking partridge family of the millennium. My closeness with my parents is just so off the map compared to every other person I've met throughout my life. Those who are lucky enough to still have two parents in tact have horrible relationships with them, if they speak to them at all.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining, or thinking that my family is better than your family - I'm just mulling over the fact that it's weird. It is genuinely weird to have an hour long phone call with my father where we talk about everything from movies to relationships to his new interest in steam-punking random household objects. (Haven't heard of steam-punk? Google it, my friend.) And even weirder to have a mother that I say I love you to every night, without fail, and mean it. We hug. We like seeing each other. Sure, we fight, but we're both so similar that we're over it the next day anyways.
This is weird for the 21st century. To not be a child of divorce has me looking at my own relationships more indepthly, putting me under the microscope to see if that's what I'm looking for in a companion (i HATE that word, but it's fitting) or if I'm trying my hardest to run away from the picture perfect Pleasantville canvas we've been painting for 20 years. I'd like to think I'd want that one day. But four kids in this economic state? No thanks.
It's fun to analyze.
One of these days I should stop thinking so much.
This is a rant.
I'm obsessed with flickr. It's obvious. Views, comments, it's addicting... and of course, the main goal as always, is to reach that proverbial EXPLORE. front page is the be-all, end-all... anywhere else is pretty damn great as well.
But I keep opening the front page of flickr and finding the most.... peculiar images.
I'm sorry, but front page, to me, seems like a showcase for some of the most interesting, thought provoking, and all around deserving photographs taken recently. Opening the page to find snapshots and images taken in haste without any effort leave me sitting in my broken desk chair thinking "WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!?!?!"
I understand Interestingness is a simple program, not true human thought picking the best photographs of the week.
I feel I've seen so many streams of photos that are outrageously worthy of explore, if not the front page. It just bothers me to see so many work so hard, and have their work not seen. To be overshadowed by a haphazard photograph with very little effort put into it is just insulting.
I may be bitter. Yes. I have never been explored. But I'm also a horrible flickr participant: I creep. Hardcore. I comment on occasion, and I'm getting much better at the whole game, but I don't participate as much as others. So fair enough.
But that leads me to wonder how much these other front-pagers participate.
There will be a deserving photograph.
Maybe not mine.
But then I'll stop complaining.
my outer defences
when did it become fashionable to stab a knife in your significant other's back and twist it enthusiastically to the rhythm of horrible elevator music?
..ok the elevator music bit was random but you get the idea.
i dont think i've felt so betrayed in all my life.
putting trust in someone suddenly seems like an idiotic practice.
she was disarming
"Deception is brutal, I'm not pretending otherwise."
I have always said I'll put up with a lot, but hold a zero-tolerance policy for cheating.
I just never thought that it would come to that.
Here's to 2009 beginning with an ending.
past and present
I'm a Canon chick. always have been. I currently shoot with a rebel, and i've absolutely loved it. I have a powershot somethingorother (here i claim i love canon yet can't remember their model numbers. tsk.) that has gotten me some pretty sharp shots in difficult situations. i even have a canon printer staring back at me as i type this.
i'm currently in university studying photography, and they require Nikon.
I'm making the switch.
Do i need to be frightened? I'm upping to the D300, which is a HUGE difference i've been told, and i held one for 2.3 milliseconds and it was just so pretty... i was pretty sure that i was converted to the dark side, but my prof today said he really wasn't a fan of nikon even though he recommended it - "Simplicity." and its true. anyone who's anyone uses nikon, or so i'm told. But he prefers canon, better colour. even though he owns... bah dum bum... a D300 himself.
Basically I'd love to know what I'm up against.
I definitely need to rob a bank to afford all that i need for this course... and ideas on cheap money savers too??
pause the tragic ending
Of two things I am sure about myself:
1. I am in love with brick. And take pictures against it any chance I get.
2. I am currently OBSESSED with textures. Obsessed.
This too shall pass.
Ahhhh sinus infections officially SUCK.
ever felt like your eyes were being suctioned out of your face?!?!
ohhhh the pressure's on.
can you feel this
New year, new blog.
And brand-spanking new header!!! woooo!
Hopefully everyone's new year's eve went over smoothly.
I spent it in bed, taking out stocks in kleenex and tylenol cold and watching Burn After Reading.
Brad Pitt attempting to be someone other than Brad Pitt... definitely the highlight.