Bright-eyed and broke as all hell.
12:05 AM

Alright, friends. This is one of those posts that feels mildly desperate.. but when you think about it, everyone has been there. Insecure, unsure, worry... about the future. About your career. As someone in their early 20's, bright-eyed and broke as hell, just scrounging for any solid tidbit of hope that the path you're on is the "right one". So I've gotta ask.

Do you feel that you're on the right path? Do you feel like the decisions you've made have been the "right ones"? And if not, do you let the worry get to you that you may not be where you want to be right now?

I find my problem is one that is probably common for recent graduates and those from my generation: I want to do everything. Blog, shoot, sing, write, assist, direct, report, and maybe sleep. It's taking all that I can to not come up with an even new ambition each night to add to my melting pot of somewhat-unrealistic, pipe-driven dreams. My passions branch across so many genres that it is so difficult to say THAT. I want to do that. And then when the "that" is decided, a second can of worms opens up, and I have a second question for y'all:

Are you driven by money, or driven by passion? Both? Neither? Following your parents advice? Following your own drum? Too broke to afford a drum?

Lately, I feel like I've been put on one of those conveyor belts in an airport. You know, the sorter types, but this one has a time limit. If you don't claim your bag within the appropriate time, it lands in the incinerator. BOOM. Bye. If I don't pluck my career choice from the lineup right now, I'm going to end up in the inferno.

I have to say, I never thought I'd end up here. I always secretly scoffed at the various highschool friends that had graduated, and suddenly turned around and took a completely different turn in career choice. From drama to dentistry, photography to biology, I scoffed with satisfaction. That will never be me; I'm so grateful that I love what I pursue, and will enjoy my career path because I am doing what I love.

It turns out... doing what I love, is harder than it looks.

Maybe I'm just complaining, maybe I'm lazy, maybe I'm not working hard enough. But what scares me the most may just be the truth: maybe my heart isn't in it anymore. Maybe my heart, like my wallet, is suddenly budgeted and cannot spend anymore. And it's for this reason I'm scared, and asking for some advice. Some stories from experience, to let me know that it's going to be ok.

I think, worst of all, I'm incredibly sad that I'm disappointing the girl that was so proud, the girl that worked so hard; the girl that knew what she loved to do and would do anything to get to where she wanted to be. I'm letting that girl down, and I don't like it one little bit.

Thanks, friends.


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